Saturday Night Live opened by mocking the explosive allegations made against Johnny Depp and Amber Heard in the ongoing defamation trial.
“I’m Nicole Wallace, and you watch MSNBC News because you have nowhere else to put your anger,” said Kate McKinnon, portraying the host who introduced the cable network’s test coverage.
Depp, played by Kyle Mooney, took the stand to comment on home security video showing property manager Kenan Thompson finding feces in his bed said to have been left behind by Heard.
“I’d like to see more of the video because it’s funny,” said the judge, played by Cecily Strong, dismissing an objection from Heard’s attorney.
“Mr. Depp, do you find this trial amusing?” Strong asked the grinning witness.
“A little yes,” he replied.
“Me too,” she said, raising a glass of wine hidden behind her bench while offering a toast.
Heard’s publicist declined to comment on the cold open when reached by The Post, and Depp’s reps did not immediately respond to a message.
Singer and actress Selena Gomez, 29, made her debut as a presenter and told the cast she was looking for love on the show.
“One reason I’m really excited to host SNL is because I’m single and I’ve heard that SNL is a great place to find romance,” she said. “At this point, I’ll take anyone.”
Mooney and James Austin Johnson both volunteered their services but were quickly shot down.
“Oh, this is new cast member Jeff,” Gomez said.
“It’s James, but I’ll change it to Jeff if you want,” Johnson replied.
The hosts were more receptive to a push from Punky Johnson.
“Let’s see how the afterparty goes,” Gomez suggested.
The former ‘Barney & Friends’ child actress then ended the monologue by leading the crowd with a singalong of the show’s ‘I Love You’ song.
Melissa Villaseñor played a young child of divorce who sought solace in her Bratz dolls (Gomez, Aidy Bryant and Bowen Yang) who gave her questionable advice and stated their intention to seduce her unfaithful father.
“I just don’t understand why dad doesn’t love my mom anymore,” Villaseñor exclaimed while asking the dolls for words of wisdom.
“Be authentic and a slut to every waiter you see,” Bryant offered, before Yang said the dolls were on their way to Miami to celebrate with their dad.
A Japanese show that followed toddlers running errands on their own was rebranded for the US and featured middle-aged men struggling to get things done without their longtime girlfriends.
Gomez eventually left Mikey Day after his 34-year-old character FAILED to complete a solo trip to Sephora and the bodega.
Villaseñor and Gomez played public-facing Latina presenters with short attention spans and limited vocabulary who had trouble interacting with their correspondents and guests.
In the next skit, Thompson portrayed a disgruntled little theater director who had to constantly feed lines and chide his undergraduates for using Australian accents in an Irish historical drama.
Gomez hosted an episode of American Inventors with Whoopee Cushion creator Archie Gizmo, played by her Only Murders in the Building co-star Steve Martin.
“I knew it would be funny if your boss sat down and there was a noise coming out of his butt, but I couldn’t figure out what noise,” Martin said.
His dilemma was solved when he met a wind-breaking muse, played by Bryant, who also inspired him to invent gags like electronic chewing gum and snakes in a can.
“Weekend Update” parodied the week’s news, touching on the cryptocurrency collapse and reversal of Roe v. Calf.
“If you’re feeling like things are a little different this week, yesterday was Friday the 13th, tomorrow is a blood moon, and according to the most annoying person you know, Mercury is retrograde,” cracked anchor Colin Jost.
Co-host Michael Che riffed on the stopped production of the iPod.
“Because Apple products become obsolete once they’re older than the kids who make them,” Che joked.
A new hearing-impaired Barbie taught young girls an important lesson, Jost said.
“It doesn’t matter if you’re deaf as long as that body bangs.”
Sarah Sherman did a live report from Jost’s dressing room, where an intern was being held in a cage under self-affirming post-its that read things like “You’re the real king of Staten Island.”
Mooney also sat on the anchor desk in the role of a drug addict Baby Yoda.
Day featured a dragon slayer who had to choose between marrying three princesses in a medieval castle in a skit that used the same set as last week’s Roe v Wade Cold Open.
Struggling to find flaws in the three women played by Gomez, McKinnon and Ego Nwodim, the admirer wondered if there was a catch.
After settling on McKinnon, it was revealed that she suffered from excessive gas; the third toilet joke of the episode at the expense of a woman.
In a recorded skit, Punky Johnson played Gomez’s inner jealous voice, convincing her that her boyfriend Chris Redd is cheating, prompting her to stalk him online and throw his Xbox in front of the widow.
When Gomez admitted she was insecure about usually dating jocks and celebrities who sleep around, musical guest Post Malone was introduced as Redd’s jealous inner voice. This led to Redd accusing Gomez of getting nude photos of LeBron James.
Nwodim and Yang played motivational speakers urging the Ol’ Dirty Bastard class of 2022 to pursue modeling.
“Because right now you’re the youngest you’ll ever be,” Nwodim said.
“I like your look,” Gomez, who played a model, asked a student. “How old are you?”
“Seventeen,” the girl replied.
“That’s perfect. Stay that age forever,” Gomez replied.
Post Malone pulled out Roddy Rich to perform their song “Cooped Up” before they delivered a dramatic rendition of “Love/Hate Letter To Alcohol.”
The NBC show’s season finale takes place next week and will feature actress Natasha Lyonne as guest host with musical guest Japanese Breakfast.